Opportunity vs Opportunist
Here's the truth: If I’d had to the opportunity to sleep with a big-time producer at 22 to get a part on a TV show, I totally would have done it. The truth is, I probably would have sold my soul to the devil, gotten every body-part on my body completely redone, and would have lived with unbearable pain, if it meant I’d be famous.
So many little girls from the Midwest have star-studded dreams of being the next big celebrity. It’s why we move to LA wide-eyed and prepared to do just about anything to make it in the city of lost dreams. So, we’d try our luck. We’d take our classes, we’d get our fake hair sewn in our heads, plump our lips, memorize lines for hours, and wish, pray and hope to God our dreams would come true
The funny thing is, I think being a self-absorbed actress, somehow ended up making me a really good person… It’s odd, but I think had I started out being a psychologist, teacher or Nurse I probably would never had learned the lessons I needed to learn to be the person I am today. Life is a journey, you never know where you’ll be in 6 months, a year or a decade.
The truth is, show business is a cut-throat industry. And, as the Harvey Weinsteins and Kevin Spaceys of the world get exposed, people watch in shock and disgrace. Is what they did wrong? Absolutely! And, I think it’s a wonderful thing that finally people are being punished for their grotesque behavior. But, like I said earlier at a young impressionable age, I would have done anything for fame.
Hollywood is a very sick industry. I’ve seen it on all levels, from low-budget web series, to indie films, all the way up the ranks. Actors and Actresses step over each other to get a part, stabbing their best friends in the back to play Hooker #2. Managers, Agents, Directors and Producers use their power to get laid, regardless of their significant other or families… just “it’s how we roll, take a swig, a puff, and a snort and let’s make some dreams come true.”
But, where does it lead you? How many Hollywood relationships actually last? How many super stars OD, slit their wrists or have spent nights contemplating drowning themselves in a bathtub. I did. I wasn’t even famous, and felt the pain. There were times during my career when I wouldn’t get a part and literally just wanted to die; the highs were so high and lows were so incredibly painful. During my lows I’d look on Facebook and see my old High School friends engaged, married and starting to have families, and I’m not going to lie I was jealous, and I was also very, very alone…
After my spiritual journey, I realized the lesson that I learned from all of it, was that life is so much more then fame or fortune. The greatest gift in life is love. But, it’s not just romantic love, it’s love for yourself, love for your children, your pets, your friends, and your family. I may not have ever achieved that movie star fame I so desperately dreamed of, but being a self-absorbed actress was one helluva ride and I don’t regret it… not one bit of it. Hollywood taught me morals, it taught me kindness and humility and it showed me how to love.
For some reason, I felt compelled to write this and I truly wanted to take the time to wish you all the best with all your personal journeys. We are all here learning, growing and evolving here on this planet. I love you all and thank you for taking the time to read just a small piece of my soul.
Best of luck in 2018. May you shine brighter then a super nova.
Jacqueline Faye Holland