As a full-time Matchmaker and Dating Coach, there's a trend that I see all the time. It's often difficult to address, and it makes me a little sad, because I know if this one little thing didn't get in the way of an otherwise great first date, there was a high chance of not just chemistry, but a true match that can turn into a long-term relationship.
What am I talking about? Alcohol. In my experience, working with dozens of single adults over the age of 28, I've found that the number ONE killer of first dates is booze, ladies and gentlemen. I was reminded of this over the holiday weekend.
But hold on! I know what you're thinking...
"One drink takes the edge off. It helps me to open up. I look sexy drinking a martini... especially a dirty martini or a cosmo, these are some classic sexy drinks. And, yes I do find my husband is just a little hotter holding a whiskey neat. But, the way any date night can end after SEVEN whiskey neats, is actually pretty messy.
No, I'm not your mother. No, I'm not going to say, "drinking is bad, don't do it." And I'm certainly not going to tell you "it can prematurely age your skin, and slowly eat away at your liver."
Drinking can be fun! It's just that when you're on a first date, or even in the early stages of a relationship, you don't want to get shit-faced drunk.
I've seen both men and women royally screw up an amazing evening with one, two, or ten too many cocktails. You feel soooo good, that you completely remove any sort of filter and are likely to say something there's a 90% chance you wouldn't say when you were sober. The thing is, you feel so comfortable you might just want to share everything about your life with this person, but what you forget is this person just met you a mere hour ago, and all they really know about you is you enjoy hiking, watching Rick & Morty, and hanging with your dog Mister Fluffles.
The truth is this stranger, who is debating whether or not they want to spend another night getting to know you, is NOT ready to get the "FULL" unabridged version of you.
There's also a high probability that after a few drinks you may misinterpret or misjudge a situation or something said to you.
OK. So, you said something stupid when you were drunk? No big deal... It's how we react that can really seal the deal in the complete wrong direction.
Maybe the other person then responds in a way you're not crazy about... They might even notice you're drunk and say, "we should probably go home." But, Boom! The alcohol guides your reaction. Maybe it's anger or sadness or all-out CRAZY! At this point, the date is now officially ruined.
It's a very sad tale, and truthfully I've seen so many people blow a first date on blow, but mainly on alcohol. And, the question is what if that was your soulmate? Truthfully, if it was meant to be I believe you'll get another chance down the line, but why wait to reconnect, get it right the first time!
If you want to get shit-faced, I'm not judging at all. Feel free, just don't do it on a first date, and try to avoid it on the second or third too. But at the very least limit yourself to only one or two drinks, if you're going to drink at all. This will help you increase the chances at a real relationship instead of a one night stand. If you get in the habit of drinking every time you hang with that special someone, it may be sobering to find out two months later that you can only tolerate that person when you're wasted.
I know first dates can be nerve-wracking and a drink can definitely take the edge off. But, just know when to say when, because falling down a staircase and puking on your new potential partner will be as emotionally painful as your hangover the next day.